erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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