I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
