We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
