I am puke
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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