Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
