how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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