fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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