And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
