My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
