I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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