I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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