if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just found puke in my bra..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
