Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
