Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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