Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
