I accidentally had phone sex last night
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
