I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
