Someone shattered a urinal.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
