I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
