I can text with my tongue
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
