I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
