I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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