it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
