i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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