Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Semen is not good for contacts.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
