I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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