Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
