He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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