Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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