TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
