im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the day after is always just damage control
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
