I bet he comes in French.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
sarcasm needs its own font
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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