Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
