you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
