i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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