I heard we made out
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
