i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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