East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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