I need to stop coming to work sober
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
