so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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