Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
