Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Less talking, more tequila
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
