I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
