I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
