I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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