so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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