dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
