Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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