you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
