The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
