I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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