she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
